When I learned I was infertile, I felt broken, empty, and forgotten. And my husband and I are not just infertile, we are sterile. There is no hope of us ever having biological children. No one likes to be told that they cannot have a baby. No one. Even if you don't want to make a baby right now, it is nice to know that you can when you would like to — that it is an option.

When my husband, then getting his master's degree in social work, brought up the idea of adoption, my answer was quick and rehearsed, "Absolutely not." Adoption seemed like defeat. It seemed like the last ditch effort to be a family.

Yet, eventually my heart changed completely about adoption. What a gift adoption seemed like! What a miracle! What hope it provided not only for me, I realized, but for the children we would adopt and their birth parents. I learned for myself that just because something is second choice doesn't automatically mean it is second best.

Josh and I went through an agency called LDS Family Services when we started the adoption process. After finishing up the extensive paperwork, our adoption profile went online for mothers to view. We had several birth moms email us, but after communicating for a day or two they all seemed to disappear. One afternoon we were emailed by a young woman named Nicole who was seventeen and seven and a half months pregnant. We corresponded, and less than two months later we got a phone call in the middle of the night from Nicole's mom telling us to get on a plane and get to the hospital. Tyson (a name we had selected together with the birth mom) was on his way.

When I held Tyson for the first time, it was one of those slow motion moments for me. Nicole's mom walked over and placed this little man in my arms. My heart soared as I realized that this was the child I had loved long before I ever met him. Tears ran down my cheeks as I held his little body. It occurred to me, "This is what motherhood feels like." It was one of the most profound moments of my life.

About a year later, we started the process to adopt our second son, Gavin. His birth mother, Joniece, is a dear family friend. She felt strongly that her baby needed to have a mom and a dad that loved each other--something unattainable with the birth father. Although Gavin was placed in our arms when he was just 4 days old, we have been battling the birth father in court for over a year--standing side by side with our brave Joniece. It's been painful, but very worth it.

In a nutshell, Gavin's birth father claims he had no idea that the birth mother was going to place Gavin for adoption. We have had several hearings and are currently waiting for the judge to rule as to whether or not the birth father protected his rights to intervene in the adoption at this point. It's agonizing.

I am passionate about adoption and the hope it provides. I have seen firsthand how adoption offers hope to childless couples. I have seen how it offers hope to birth parents that are not quite ready to be parents. I have seen it offer hope and a bright future to the children. This is what fuels the fire of my advocacy.

I talk to everyone I can about adoption to help normalize it for my children. I have reached out via podcast, magazines, college newspapers, and the Internet to let people know that adoption is a real option. I am also an avid adoption blogger. I am the creator of "the r house" blog where I write about my daily personal experiences with adoption and infertility. I am also involved with Families Supporting Adoption and Adoption Voices. I also run a jewelry shop called "r house couture" that sells adoption related jewelry.

As part of my membership in the Utah Adoption Council, we provide high schools with adoption presentations in their health and teen living classes. I have been lucky to be part of such a neat educational program. Some of the adoption myths that we address in our presentations include the idea that a birth parent who cares about his/her child would not even think about adoption; a birth parent will never know anything about his/her child and the adoptive parents in the following years; that adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy; or that all adoptees will grow up to have serious psychological problems.

For me, the biggest misconception is that adoption is a cure for infertility. Adoption is a cure for childlessness. I still deal with and suffer from my infertility on a regular basis even though I have two gorgeous little ones running around my house.

The best thing about adoption is getting to be a mom. Adoption has offered me so much hope after dealing with something so tragically hope-depleting like sterility.

The hardest thing about adoption is giving up control. You don't have control over the birth parents changing their minds or taking you to court. There is a lot of uncertainty. It's really hard to feel powerless, especially when it comes to your family.

Another thing that I have found really difficult is watching our birth mothers place these children into our arms. My most intense joy is due to someone else's most intense pain. It's bittersweet. Our birth mothers are really part of our family and watching their heartache is hard.

I have learned to make achievable and measurable goals for myself. Over the last three years I have trained for three half marathons, the third coming up this March. I think low self-esteem and depression are really common among women who struggle with infertility. You feel so powerless, so out of control. There is power in being able to say, "I just ran a half marathon." It's good for self-esteem and relieves a lot of tension.

To keep myself mentally healthy, I write. There is something about writing for me that is so healing. There is power in owning your story. There's healing power in thinking about your experiences and emotions and putting words to them. It helps you define and process how you feel.

Open adoption is an incredible thing. This type of adoption involves contact between the biological and adoptive parents. Sometimes there is contact between the biological parents and the adopted child. The more people that deeply love and cherish my children, the better! That said, open adoption is not for everyone. If you don't think you can handle an open adoption, please make for certain you are 100 percent honest and up front with the birth families before the baby is placed in your arms. If you make promises to the birth parents, you must keep them. I cannot think of anything more cruel than to go back on your word and suddenly cut off communication with birth families after they have literally given you a piece of them. I also strongly believe in being very honest with your kids about adoption and their story.