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Lack of Support First Time; Success With Second Baby
By
Heather
from Indiana
I gave birth to my second child, Carlo, 13 days ago. 13 days ago I was half-elated, half-terrified, about whether or not he would latch on. Terrified that I would once again become a slave to the electric breast pump, like I was with my daughter, Keilani, born May 23, 2008. At my 36 week checkup, they found amniotic fluid in my swab, and I was told I needed to be induced. Instantly dashed was the notion of one last month before new motherhood, and with more than a little anxiety, I went up to the ninth floor to be induced. After 19 hours of drug-addled labor, and a half hour of pushing, my little bundle was born! She was amazingly gorgeous, and I asked right away to be able to feed her. I put her to my breast, and she slept. Tickled her mouth and nose with my nipple, she drooled. Rinse and repeat, every single time I tried feeding her, she would sleep. So I turned to pumping what colostrum I could out of my poor, neglected breasts. But I wasn't pumping enough, and the nurses said I needed to supplement. I kept up the pumping, though, and my milk finally came in, and my daughter could be fully breastfed! My nurses were insanely unhelpful, and I was actually yelled at for trying to syringe feed my daughter colostrum, which was what my lactation consultant taught me to do, and I had to use a bottle. With no help from the hospital, and no family to support me, I never did get my daughter to latch. I pumped around the clock for her, 8 months total, until my milk pretty much vanished from being pregnant again. I suffered from severe postpartum depression throughout most of Keilani's first 6 months, and it peaked again when I gave up pumping. I felt like a complete failure; how could I be a woman, and not even be able to feed my daughter properly? Little Carlo was conceived when Keilani was around 2 months old; he was our little miracle baby, conceived less than a week after a failed IUD insertion and protection. He was born this past June 30th, and latched on wonderfully minutes after birth. Nursing him around the clock has been an absolute joy. I am truly grateful to finally have a successful nursing relationship, and to even have an extra supply of milk to put in Keilani's oatmeal, or make popsicles with. And to top it off, I've not yet had any "baby blues" to speak of. My depression happened instantly with my daughter, and I'm attributing my nursing relationship to my more stable mental health this time around.
Content last updated July 15, 2009.
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